Saturday, August 6, 2011

Buggery buggery bollocks!

On Tuesday I decided to be extremely brave and try drinking cloudy apple juice - apart from the recent discovery of being able to eat black cherries (season almost over now damn it), I have not been able to eat fruit or drink any juices for almost a year, to have done so would have been tantamount to drinking battery acid. Tuesday was a hot day peaking to 27 degrees in sunny Surrey and the thought of being able to drink a glass of fresh organic chilled apple juice had me almost beside myself in anticipation. I half filled a shot glass, dipped my finger in it and then onto my lips.
I immediately smelt the apple, it smelt fresh and crisply clean and refreshing, so far no burn! I gingerly took a tiny sip, no burn, a slightly bigger sip, no burn, finished the glass, coughed and spluttered a bit but no burn! I got a bigger glass and poured some more juice into it, I took a big sip, no burn, utter bliss. Finally something healthy and refreshing to drink, it is amazing what a difference it makes :0)

On Wednesday I awoke to the sound of my alarm clock, today was scan day at hospital. I felt OK, mouth a little dry, nothing unusual there. I got up and immediately thought, something is not right.
Oops nope, too much saliva in mouth, stomach churning, nope gotta move quickly! I threw on a tee shirt to cover my sagging flesh, (not a nice sight especially first thing in the morning). Got half way down the stairs and could not stop the urge to throw up. But WHY did I think I could stop myself from making a huge mess by clamping my hand to my mouth when the obvious way to achieve this would be to throw up in my tee shirt? Clamping my hand over my mouth resulted in quite a large spray covering the whole of the half-landing! And, it wasn't even me who was going to have to clear it up .......'Ericka! The tall, calm and stoical being who chose to put up with me. She didn't even flinch, she didn't fuss, she just made sure I was OK and sent me off to the bathroom whilst she cleaned the carpet.
(That will be a 'not quite ready' for the apple juice then).

One of the hardest parts about fighting cancer is trying to overcome the frustrating bits without getting too worked up about them; all whilst trying to maintain a positive outlook, naturally.
At this point in my treatment, I was supposed to know if I was going to have another three cycles of chemotherapy after having a CT scan on Wednesday.
Now, correct me if I am wrong but, if you are going to scan someone to see if something is having a positive effect, surely you have to have something to compare it to? Why would you make an appointment for two days later to divulge information if you didn't actually have the information?
Don't get me wrong here, I think my hospital has been great, very sensitive, supportive and attentive, but the workforce is made up of human beings (thank goodness) and therefore the laws of probability dictate that sooner or later someone is going to bugger things up.
So, after patiently waiting since Easter to get to this point, we now have to wait another ten days to hear their findings, after they compare my new scan to the one I had at my other hospital in April.

We are trying to pretend it doesn't matter and carry on as normal, whatever normal is.
One sort of good thing to come out of the appointment on Friday was that it looks like I am going to get a blood transfusion on Monday. Obviously I am not keen on having to have it but apparently my haemoglobin levels are too low and this is why I have been feeling like a limp dishrag for the last week.
I do find it helps to know that there is a reason for lethargy, rather than I am getting to be a lazy git who uses all her cognitive powers playing an online game, trying to catch up to her 14 year old nephew! (nearly there now, he is level 59 and I am level 57 1/2).

So, last week was a bit pants really, next week however is starting off with a huge helping of random acts of kindness, the hugest of all being my old guvnor from Naaridge. Chris is cycling 60 miles tomorrow to raise money for Marie Curie. He has tirelessly promoted the ride and has gone over his target twice and had to change it, he has recently announced that he will give up drinking for a year if he can get sponsorship up to £1,500

Chris is the kind of guy you want to 'have your back' and I feel honoured that he has mine.
http://www.justgiving.com/chrisaldred3

1 comment:

  1. Love you to bits !!
    If you were a mother , you would have KNOWN about the tee shirt/sick trick :) I used to offer my nightie up to the kids regularly in the middle of the night rather than clean up beds at 2am.
    Hope you get the transfusion on Monday, I remember Cav being full of energy after his :)
    Hope the weather is good for Chris tomorrow.
    Sue
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